Every night, I get so frustrated because I always end up staring at the ceiling for hours. I can’t sleep no matter what I did the day before! It always ends with me tearing my hair off strand by strand in exhaustion and desperation. Help!
"May I suggest admission to St. Mungo’s Ward for the Indescribably Ill and Insane? A person would definitely be out of his wits to even consider tearing off delicate yet stunning hair."
"Some people actually value a proper rest and mental well-being more than their vanity, Draco."
"No one would lose their sanity if they all managed a clean scalp and sleek, shiny hair. It’s practically a law of Nature, Harry, though I would think it typical for you of all people to not know. I bet your lack of sleep’s your reason for the… ‘inadequacy’ of your hair."
"It’s a bit difficult to concentrate on growing a tinge of narcissism when I’ve got an evil maniac plotting a hundred ways to design my death instead of counting bloody sheep! Well, speaking of which, that could be a reason for your lack of sleep—"
"Oh don’t tell me she’s got her own evil maniac plotting a hundred ways to design—"
"I meant, Draco, that she might be thinking too much that her mind can’t rest enough for her to feel sleepy. Merlin, your sarcasm really drains a person. I bet she’d be able to sleep through a whole month after one hour of you criticizing her sense of fashion and culture."
"Or lack of it, to be precise. Really Harry, don’t be so melodramatic. I agree with you, to everyone’s amazement, I’m sure. I do believe that the cause could be a lack of absolutely nothing to think about. Maybe she’s a bit worried, don’t you think? Maybe she’s worrying over the fact that she’s in love with her lifetime arch-enemy, hasn’t a clue what to do when her kin finds out that she has changed loyalties, feeling desperate because her former cronies are now the first in line waiting to chop her head off or fretting over the lack of adequate toiletries in her arch-enemy turned passionate-lover’s ghastly dorm."
"Or something to that effect."
"Why does it not surprise me that the reason you notice me being unable to sleep is because you’re awake too?"
"It’s because you’ve sprouted a dash of common sense. Congratulations. Drinks all around!"
"Never mind, I knew I shouldn’t have argued. Anyway, you do need to clear your mind every time you decide that you want to sleep. It’s a lesson I learned the hard way during my fifth year, unfortunately. Though I’m sure you don’t have anyone who wants to insert false yet life-threatening images into your thoughts like I did, it would definitely help you if you cleared your head of any problems or whatever you usually think hard about. You could imagine a peaceful scene, like a calm day at the beach with—"
"—Hagrid in a grass skirt dancing the hula with Professor McGonagall in a very revealing bikini serving you pumpkin juice in a house elf-shaped mug."
"…And you expect people to be able to sleep in the next century, how?"
"I have my ways. Though that image is disturbingly peaceful if you look at the tiny details—"
"For everyone that comprises the human race’s sake, I’d rather you not talk about the details, Draco."
"Spoilsport. Anyway, why doesn’t she drink some Sleeping Draught and get it over with?"
"People shouldn’t use potions or drugs if they can do it naturally!"
"Well I could do her a favor and naturally ask Goyle to bludgeon her head and therefore give her a natural albeit excruciatingly painful sleep."
"The mere idea of physical pain gives you that warm, fuzzy feeling inside, doesn’t it, Draco?"
"Why yes it does, I’m ever so grateful for your keen powers of observation, Harry."
"…Never mind. In addition, you could try out some of my personal favorite ways to fall asleep; drive yourself to exhaustion or read a book until your eyes just give in. They’re guaranteed fool-proof."
"—Unless you pick a very interesting piece of literature and end up reading it continuously for days on-end. You could also be too exhausted that you fall ill and do fall asleep, permanently, that is—"
"…I had to go out and get the brightest ray of sunshine as my partner. Brilliant, Harry, best choice in your whole life."
"Tsk, tsk. You do know that talking to yourself is a sign of lack of sleep, aside from a number of other conditions that have less to do with sleep but more to do with a whole array of contagious mental disorders. You should go and work on some of your ‘fool-proof’ ways, Harry. Merlin knows there’s bound to be one that a fool like you would break."
"That’s it. I’m going to take a nice, long nap and hope that when I wake up, I realize that everything was all a dream and that I’m really a single, bald bag-carrier who still lives with his grandmother and eight cats. Goodnight Draco."
"…So that means you’re going to sleep ‘the whole night’?
"And here I am, all forlorn and alone, with absolutely nothing to do. Whatever shall I—"
"—I’ll get the jar of chocolate, you grab the blindfolds."
Hey guys! Thanks again for everything! As of now, I still have about a handful of topics to talk about but I really don't want to see the day I run out. *the horrors!* So if you guys have anything you want to write in, do write in a letter please. :)